What Happens Now?

What happens when one of your closest friends sense 6Th grade dies?

What do you say? How do you talk to his 13 year old sister when she messages you?

Do you try to make her laugh like usual or do you keep saying your sorry?

And what happens when your not talking to her?

You spend every moment moving, doing something to keep your mind off of what just happened. You don't want to hear this word "reality". What is that? That's just a heartbreak waiting to happen. So you work. You hang out with friends. You go out to eat with your mom and pray there's a cute waiter to distract you. (yes..there was. his name was Robb or something. I forgot...he was married. ha!) You do everything possibly imaginable until there's nothing to do and your absolutely drained. You cant cry anymore. It feels physically impossible. And you know that when you do, your probably going to throw up because your stomach cant take it any longer. You feel both physically and emotionally drained. The next thing you know your writing a blog so you can pass your history class but all you can think about is him. What do you write about? How bout his history and how you knew him. So here's the story of a girl and Chewy. And oddly enough, this does have to do with Dr. Ruffs World Civ. I class...

Let's think back to eight years ago shall we...2003. I just finished elementary school! I'm not a child anymore! I was 11 years old and in 6TH grade!!! It was time for my own independence! So i walk into my first chorus class ever and I didn't know a soul. As time went by i began to loosen up (a little) I met these three guys. Charles, Nick, and Josh. Now Charles was a different guy.

D-O-R-K I loved this kid!!!crazy as crap! anyways. Nick. he was...well he was cute. and a voice of gold. Then there was Josh. He was kinda big and very hairy. Hes face was always oober red. He was quiet. Just looked at me most of the time. But as time went on and I talked to Charles and Nick more Josh began talking more too. By the end of the year, quiet Josh was crazy Josh who was just as nuts as the rest of the guys. We were all pretty awesome friends. I was the only girl in the "group" and I personally loved that! I was one of the guys! All through middle school I stayed with these guys. I was eventually introduced to a boy named Ryan. This kid, he was.. well crazy doesn't cut it. he was VERY hyper. haha! Ill never forget lunch time in 8Th grade. We all got to eat lunch together. Well...all of us but Ryan. My dear Ryan got to eat lunch two tables over with a girl he really REALLY didn't like. haha He would spend everyday crawling under his table to try to get over to ours. Of course everyday he'd get in trouble. haha There was one time in middle school when Charles, Josh and I tried to see if Ryan would fit in his locker with the door closed....he did. but guess what....he forgot his own combination and we had to get the janitor to come break it open.. hahaha Ryan always got in trouble. As we all grew into high school if something went wrong Ryan Beach was blamed. Ha!

In high school there are so many crazy memories. The guys dropped out of chorus and moved into auto tech class. I hung out with them in there all the time. In fact Id skip my chorus class just to go see Charles, Josh, and Ryan. When we got to our junior year in high school we found out something that would change our friendship forever. Charles began doing drugs. He was addicted before we even really knew anything. Next thing I know Josh had done told him goodbye. I don't know what he said to Charlie exactly but Charles never talked to me anymore after that. I recently got to talk with Charles cause of the death of my dear friend Chewy. Charles said that Josh gave him a choice. It was either us or the drugs. Charles chose the drugs and Josh went off. Josh apparently told Charles to "Stay the heck away from us, especially Melissa." He said that Josh didn't want me to get hurt. Josh always protected me no matter what happened.

Throughout high school our little group of four turned into a group of about 20. We were the crazy kids who always got in trouble(imagine that) The ones who wore camo and thought they were really cool but they really were that awesome. HA! I loved my friends so much! As time went on in high school our group split. People began to hate other people, couples began to back stab other couples, girls began to distract ALL of the guys...but me. It was just sad. By the time Josh and I graduated the group was just a bunch of people who knew each other. I figured that it would stay that way until our ten year reunion when everybody came back and started trying to impress each other with their nifty jobs or semi-hot wives. But something happen this week to make that change. Our group came together again and for the first time in 3 years we were all like a big deformed family. Our dear friend Josh Gorski died. Yes the one who always put up for me even when I was a chunky little twelve year old. The wonderful guy who I went to prom with. I didn't get the chance to be his date but Ryan and I did go with him. haha! He was a very wonderful friend and even better brother. I love him so much and its so hard to say goodbye but I know that I have to do it. I know well all see him agian someday. My church teaches that. "Our physical death isn't the end, but rather a step forward in Heavenly Father's plan."

I love my friend very much and when I see him again Ill be so happy. We are going to have some awesome times together!!! This isn't the end.

Dedecated to

Joshua Russell Gorski

2/17/92 ~ 2/1/11

Love you man.